FOOTIE JOKES
How do hens encourage their football teams?
They egg them on!
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How do you keep cool at a football match?
You stand next to a fan!
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Why didn't the dog want to play football?
It was a boxer!
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Which insect didn't play well in goal?
The fumble bee!
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Why should you be careful playing against a team of big cats?
They might be cheetahs!
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What do you get if you drop a piano on a team's defence?
A flat back four!
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Why are football grounds odd?
Because you can sit in the stands but can't stand in the sits!
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Why do grasshoppers not go to many football matches?
They prefer Cricket Matches!
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Why did the chicken get sent off?
For persistent fowl play!
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Where do spiders play their F A cup final?
Webley stadium!
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When fish play football, who is the captain?
The team's kipper!
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A match between two non-League teams took place last winter in the North of England. It had been raining heavily all week and the ground resembled a swamp.
However, the referee ruled that play was possible and tossed the coin to determine ends.
The visiting captain won the toss and, after a moment's thought, said, 'OK - we'll take the shallow end!'
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Why wasn't the car very good at football?
It only had one boot!